Resolutions

With the turning of each New Year comes the dreaded New Years Resolution. This is a time when we come to terms with the skeletons in our closet and promise to forge onward into the next year with a clean slate. Many of us recommit ourselves to goals, try to kick old habits and consciously admit to ourselves we can (and will) do better.

For me, this usually involves a laundry list of household projects, promises to be more organized and a rededication to my health and spirit. The easiest of these tasks for me to focus on is my health. After all, I have spent decades studying fads, diets, lifestyle choices, raw foods, whole foods, omega 3-6-9 fatty acids, oils, vitamins, herbs, aerobic exercise, weight lifting, yoga, meditation etc. I am completely aware of exactly what I need to do to be happy and healthy, yet each year I have fallen back into old habits and spend the rest of the year applying sporadic commitment.

3 years ago, after a gluttonous ringing in of 2009, I decided to kick off the New Year with some healthy choices. Like an assassin, I examined my pantry, eradicating all the evils that tempted me during the year. White sugar, white flour, white pasta, white potatoes, white rice... all offending poisons that lurked on my shelf waiting to be purged. I vowed never to be swayed to the white side again! I barreled onward to the local store, filling my coffers with the whole grain browns... brown rice, brown flours, brown pastas. Into my cart I threw flax seed oil, avocados, seeds and promised to overflow my crispers with fresh fruits and veggies. Also on my shopping list were nuts of the purest form. These nuts were not roasted or salted; but a nut in its shell (finally I would get to use my nutcracker)! Returning home, I stocked my shelves with whole foods and grains. I looked at my bounty and felt anxious to start my new "lifestyle choice". Time for a celebratory snack! Reaching for the bag of nuts, I scrambled through a tangle of kitchen utensils for my nutcracker. I dove right in for my first crack which wasn't as easy as I thought it would be. The taste of the fresh walnut was buttery and delicious as I savored each nugget I dug out from the hard casing. As time passed, my knuckles grew sore and the work was was not as fun as I imagined. Although I tried to convince myself that this would be my new daily ritual, I felt myself acknowledging that maybe nut cracking (for me) wasn't all it was cracked up to be.

As I struggled through my bag 'o nuts, I cracked one open to find this heart. How funny that this tough nut would crack into a loving shape. Perhaps this was a sign that making healthy choices was a way of loving myself? After delving further into this idea, I came to terms with the fact that it wasn't about my decision but my dedication. Each year, despite the fact I fell off the brown wagon, I found it in myself to get back on. Each year, I persevered towards my goals with high intentions that lead towards the realistic acceptance: I am only human. I may not tackle each goal with the laser focus that I imagined, but the fact I keep trying means that I can consider my goal closer and my life better from the effort. As I set my resolutions for this year, I accept the real victory rests in my determination. Winston Churchill once said, “Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts.” Time to crack some nuts...